My friends,
It was my honour and delight to have Andrew back on as my guest for our second conversation. You can watch our first podcast together here.
This time around we discuss parenting (of course ;) and also how best to navigate ourselves in a world that is governed by forces determined to divide us from our sovereignty, our power, our dreams, and alas….from each other.
As a devotee to the practice of controlling what he can control and as a husband and father of four, Andrew strives to put his focus on what most matters to him- his family. For there is an inherent recognition that in doing so he is not only best serving those he loves- he is also doing his part in healing the whole. All of us benefit from his thoughtfulness and careful tending to what exists at a mere arm’s length away from him. His writing and poetry serve as guiding bright lights and his regular offerings of dad jokes via his hilarious meme posts serve up much needed silliness.
Humour and heart go a long way towards finding balance in this wild ride of a world.
At one point in our talk I ask Andrew “What’s your definition of ‘perfection’?”
He wrote this poem as his reply:
“Perfection, as It Is
Perfection, they say, is an absence of flaw,
A glimmering ideal without a single crack.
Yet how can something so pristine be drawn
When life itself wears shadows on its back?
If offered a treasure of ten million gold,
To trade some fragment of my life away,
Would I refuse, for fear of what it might hold,
Knowing the loss might stain the day?
Is it not in this hesitation, this tender pause,
That we glimpse the shape of something pure?
Not in what we seek, but what we already cause,
A life so dear, no wealth could lure.
For what if perfection is not a distant star,
But the humble way things simply are?
The laugh of a child, the warmth of a hand,
The chaos and peace of this living land.
What if perfection is the dance of the flawed,
The scars we bear, the love we've clawed?
The nights of doubt, the mornings of grace,
The very breath in this holy space.
Perfection, then, is not to be chased,
Nor found in mirrors, smooth and untraced.
But in the tangled, imperfect thread,
The rough and rocky paths we tread.
For in the mess, in the everyday strife,
Perhaps we find the perfect life.
Not free of flaw, but full of heart,
In the broken whole, we play our part.”
If that alone did not make you fall in love with him, then most certainly listening to him speak will.
Enjoy, my friends. And if you haven’t already, please subscribe to Andrew and show him your support. You will be better for it.
Before I sign off to let you watch/listen, and in the name of authenticity, I want to share something personal with you.
There are many ways to perceive this reality.
One such way has been defined as the Law of Correspondence which simply states that all things are interconnected, and that each part contains the whole.
‘As above, so below. As within, so without.”
For many decades of my life, I’ve used the power of reflection to gain insight into myself and also into the deeper mysteries of life.
To me, there is no better mirror than another human being.
If you pay attention and allow yourself to see what they show you, they can reveal your blindspots, repressed shadows, behaviour patterns and habits, as well as the countless reasons you are worthy of love, and worthy of being seen and heard.
Like with Coleman, Andrew and I had no set date or time for our podcast- we only knew it would happen ‘sometime’ in the future when he could carve out some free time. This was cool with me as I’m totally into spontaneity. Livin’ on the edge, and all that.
The morning Andrew messaged me to say he’d be free at noon to talk, I had been feeling ‘off’ for a few days, existing in the discomfort of insecurity- a familiar old habit of mine. I was not feeling frisky, or inspired, or confident, or bold- I was feeling dull and boring. Quite frankly, I just wanted to hide and stay hidden.
At the same time, I did not want to let this opportunity to speak with Andrew pass by. Who knew when he would be available again? I also knew how soothing his company would be so I said yes despite how I was feeling. I showed up the best I could. And boy am I glad that I did.
In an ongoing effort to replace ‘perfection’ with ‘authenticity’ this was yet another chance to practice. To be where I was at and have that be enough.
Afterwards, Andrew and I exchanged a few words and he said this:
“I noticed a few times when you were talking about your own experiences it felt like you were unsure if they were... acceptable? good enough? You should stop doubting that, assuming I saw what I thought I did. You're for sure more than deserving and good enough.”
WHAT A REFLECTION!!!
I knew what he said to be TRUE. Now I was given an opportunity to explore:
Why do I fear sharing what I think and believe to be true with others?
Inspired by Andrew to reflect on this unconscious fear, I noted that I’ve long been the ‘black sheep’ in my world- among family and friends, at school or work…it doesn’t matter where I am- I’ve been the weirdo wherever I go.
My intense empathy and sensitivity as a child, crying at other’s pain and suffering, was often met with a “You’re too sensitive, Jacqueline” admonishment or critique.
My gift became a thorn in my side. A source of pain to attempt to bury (as if I could)- instead of a tool to learn how to wield.
This, coupled with my curious questing- to seek beneath the layers of this fascinating world- and then learning that the discoveries I made were not welcome for discussion at parties or bars.
I can’t do small talk and my big talk always got me into trouble.
Over time, and after losing countless people, I developed a habit of hiding my thoughts, my understanding, my knowledge; of being unsure when I could reveal what I truly believe and know without ridicule or the cost of a loss.
Joining Substack, writing, sharing, and conversing with the beautiful friends I am meeting here, has been powerfully transformative and deeply healing for me.
Gradually, I am shedding my PTSD and owning my Self more now that I find myself in the company of others with whom I can be fully expressed. I can share ALL that I am and see only a reflection of love and acceptance shining back at me.
Also, I had taken much of the summer off from creating musically- no playing, writing, recording, nor performing. This is a big no-no.
All work and no music makes Jac a dull & unhappy girl.
Music for me is my MOJO. It is what feeds me and makes me ME.
Knowing thyself and acting accordingly is an ongoing education. I’m up for it.
I want to thank each and every one of you, from all of my heart, for your openness, your acceptance, your vulnerability and your strength, your support and encouragement. You are beautiful mirrors.
We are all in this wild game together.
ROCK ON!! 🤍
If you find yourself interested to come speak with me on my podcast I invite you to email me at jacquelinerendell@gmail.com or DM me here on Substack. 🤍
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